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The secret diary of a single parent bloke

Thank you

Writen: Thursday, March 10th, 2011, uploaded: Thursday, March 10th, 2011

10

My life was shit. I was in a terrible marriage, in generally poor health, trapped in a hateful job, flat broke, unloved, unhappy and friendless. Everything I tried to do failed miserably.

Then six years ago today, I made a decision that would change not only my life but my children’s lives too. I ended my marriage. I’d known my wife for 15 of my 29 years, and we’d been a couple for 13 of those. I was a decision that I knew I had to make, and I’d worked hard to try to avoid it. But there really was no alternative. The easiest option would have been to walk out on my family and carve a new life for myself, but it wasn’t the right option.

It’s been a long struggle, through some awful times and some great ones. I’ve made right decisions, and I’ve messed up spectacularly.

And now, comparing my life to how it was, I can’t help but be pleased. My children are happy, healthy, intelligent and kind; I’ve grown to like my home; I’ve achieved my ambition of running my own business, and love every minute of it; I’m fitter, thinner and in good health; and regrown confidence that I’d lost many years before. I’ve had girlfriends, but I’m happy being single (although I’d still love to meet the “right” woman and spend the rest of my life loving and being loved by her), and I have many good friends who I value enormously.

And it’s these friends that I want to thank. Whether you’re someone I met in the pub; from the adventure group I joined; or a friend from an internet forum or Twitter who I’ve never actually met, but is there with a kind word when I need it, thank you for being there for me. I couldn’t have done it without you.

 

Your Comments

Comments (10)

10 Responses to “ Thank you ”

  1.  
    Lyn Blackledge commented at 9:18 am on March 10th, 2011

    I am glad life is working out well for you and that you have good friends around you. That is so important. Mine has been a long dark tunnel. I have two failed marriages but I have now moved to a much happier place. It is my friends who have pulled me through. Many of those friends have been twitter and facebook friends. Some of those I have now met and others I have yet to meet.
    I run my own multiple businesses after the company I used to represent moved the goal posts. That too has been difficult but now that is blossoming too. Again, its friends who have been there to keep up the encouragement.
    May you continue enjoying life. I am certainly going to.

     

  2.  
    urbanvox commented at 3:18 pm on March 10th, 2011

    Dude… We’re the ones that need to say thank you…
    just reading that post gave me immense hope that things CAN go right…
    I am just in the process to getting divorced myself… my Marriage wasn’t bad from the beginning… but we got to a point where following different paths was the right / best way to go too… Specially for me…
    yeah… I am not alone… and have a tiny one on the way with a gorgeous independent young lady that I love so very much…
    but some days are harder than the others… and seeing a good story really encourages me to keep going…
    so thanks man…
    :)

     

  3.  
    Claire (M15MX5) commented at 3:19 pm on March 10th, 2011

    I’m really glad things are working out for you…it does take time to find yourself again. Always here for my Twitter friend :) x

     

  4.  
    Bloke commented at 3:22 pm on March 10th, 2011

    Thank you for your kind comments.

    @urbanvox – stick at it. It’ll all come good in the end :)

     

  5.  
    Bob Greig commented at 3:33 pm on March 10th, 2011

    love the optimism that comes after some hard knocks and some hard days…

    you inspire so many of us SDD!

    Well done you :)

     

  6.  
    Angela commented at 10:23 pm on March 10th, 2011

    Well, that made me smile….its nice to know men feel the same as women about dead marriages, the lack of self esteem, the lonliness and the lack of friendships (usually due to the afore mentioned issues!)….and its great to hear you too have finally been able to change the bulb at the end of your tunnel this year too…this must be a good year for many of us solo parents…and I for one, would not be without my online friends…some Ive met and two I could not live without now….WELL DONE :-)

     

  7.  
    Traceyann (Tad40) commented at 9:56 am on March 20th, 2011

    YAY YAY glad to hear your in a “good place” babe :O)x

     

  8.  
    Will commented at 4:01 pm on April 9th, 2011

    I can empathise with everything you have written here. I left a 23 year marriage that had gradually eroded two vibrant individuals to dualists in contempt filled silences and bickering over minutiae. The scariest thing I ever expect to do in my life was to walk out on three beautiful, talented daughters that I had put my heart and soul into raising, and into the great unknown without a circle of friends for support and a family that were too far away. Having my girls live with me was not an option so I was also walking out on the people I had taught to read, to cook, to count, to cut and paste, to share and to love.

    “Staying together for the kids” was not an option when the kids were being used as pawns in our daily battles and when their perceptions of married life were being distorted by the power of one individual over another. Even our friends had stopped inviting us around and visiting because my ritual public humiliation had become embarrasing.

    There have been many dark days. 1 Month after leaving I was sacked from my job for the computing equivalent of stealing paperclips, and I am out of the loop for important events. Certain films and pop songs remind me of my girls and bring a lump to my throat (it seems ridiculous to blub at Spice Girls “Wannabe”).

    Relationships are scary. I have hopes but the thought of trying to integrate into another family when my relationship with my girls is diminishing day by day is unthinkable. Reaching out for affection and affirmation is difficult because the demand for “committment” is never far away. I tried the “forever” thing and it didn’t work out.

    I am also struggling to run my own business which occupies all of my time and headspace. My spell of unemployment was unbelievably depressing and some good people, that I am now able to call my friends, rescued me. I still have a long way to go to dispell the darkness and restore my self-confidence but each small success is a step along that road.

    Good luck with your children and your business. I hope the people around you support you in the dark days and share the light ones too.

     

  9.  
    Bloke commented at 8:57 am on April 10th, 2011

    I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such an awful time. It takes such a long time, and a huge amount of ongoing effort, to get your life, and the lives of those around you, to a positive state. I wish you and your family the very best of luck, and thank you for your candid comment.

     

  10.  
    Will commented at 5:42 pm on April 11th, 2011

    Thanks for the reply. I re-read my comment and realised that I was describing how things used to be. I have my sanity back now and I am in a much better place. In fact we all are.

    I still have much to do but I am much more positive about life, I have good people around me and I am realising some of my talents surpressed for many years.

    Keep up this blog. It shows that men are deeply affected by domestic turmoil and family break ups as much as women.

    Good luck too.

     


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