Unexpected smile | Single Dad's Diary - The secret diary of a single parent dad



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The secret diary of a single parent bloke

Unexpected smile

Uploaded: Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

Thursday, October 5th, 2006.

I’d been exchanging emails with Fran, a lovely lady who used to at the same company as me- before she had the good sense to walk out (it is a particularly awful place to work), and I asked her if she’d like to meet up for a drink. She said “yes”, and I was ecstatic! She was always so lovely, fun, kind and stunningly attractive.

I’ve been so very miserable for such a long time, and this really lifted my spirits. I got so excited at the prospect of meeting with her. I asked her if she fancied getting something to eat. I emailed her again and offered to pick her up. Over a few days, I emailed her lots of times about different things- I was so excited about seeing her.

Her replies slowed down, and eventually she sent me an email which said that she was sorry, but she thought that I was expecting it to be more than just a drink and she thought it best if we didn’t meet. I thought that my world had just fallen apart. She was absolutely right of course, and I had made a real pest of myself. How could I have been so stupid? Life had been so shit for such a long time, and I’d made her into my glimmer of light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel.

I was sat at my desk at work when the email came. I couldn’t handle the situation. I started shaking, and desperately trying not to cry. Emily, sat opposite me, noticed that something was wrong and tried to ask what was the matter. I couldn’t speak, or even look at her- I just sat there, shaking. Then I got up and walked outside. I sat in my car, I don’t know how long for- maybe minutes, maybe an hour, I don’t know. Is this what it had come to? I was so lonely and depressed that I’d pin all of my hopes on a drink with a pretty girl, and in my desperation I’d scared her away. And then completely overreacted at the rejection, even though it was utterly deserved. What was wrong with me?

Eventually I managed to compose myself and walked back into my office. I was glad that Emily wasn’t there, I was worried about sitting opposite her- I must have looked a right state. On my desk, she’d had arranged the content of packet of M&Ms into a big smily face. It made me smile.

Update: This was written in 2006. Since then, Emily has told me that she thought that I was having a nervous breakdown- and not just on that occasion either. She really thought that I’d crack up. But it was little things like the M&Ms that probably got me through it all.


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