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The secret diary of a single parent bloke

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Uploaded: Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

6
Thursday, July 28th, 2005.

A couple of evenings ago, I finally plucked up the courage to contact someone through the dating website. I’ve subscribed for a couple of weeks, just to see how it goes.

I spent ages reading profiles, looking at pictures, writing and rewriting my profile, carefully choosing a picture: I wanted to look happy, but not grinning like a Cheshire Cat, not too tall, not fat (I’ve lost quite a bit of weight, but most pictures show me at my fattest), wearing the right clothes…. the list goes on. And when I felt that it was all OK, then I carefully crafted the message. And then rewrote it. And then rewrote it again. And finally sent it.

And then I waited. And waited. And waited. That was two evenings ago, so I guess I’m not going to get a reply.

 

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Comments (6)

6 Responses to “ No reply ”

  1.  
    Christine commented at 11:04 am on July 3rd, 2010

    Brave of you. Which dating sites were you on? Did you eventually meet someone through it?

     

  2.  
    mummyinahurry commented at 8:23 pm on July 6th, 2010

    She might just be on holiday? Or maybe she is not the one for you. But I am a firm believer in fate, so if this one is not the one, thats because there is someone much better just around the corner. And now you have your patter down to a T, next time you find someone you like it will be easier? Keep the faith! :-)

     

  3.  
    Sussan commented at 10:27 am on July 9th, 2010

    It’s not internet dating that’s shit. You have entirely missed the point. Endlessly edited messages are never a turn-on. I met my loved one on an internet site and we always made each other gasp and laugh in a spontaneous way – that’s what makes someone attractive!

     

  4.  
    Bloke commented at 10:47 am on July 9th, 2010

    You’re probably right- I know lots of people who have found someone special through internet dating. I suspect that a combination of my lack of knowledge, and it not being one of the better dating sites (though I didn’t know that at the time), lead to my failure.

     

  5.  
    Bee commented at 12:16 pm on July 11th, 2010

    Hi Single Dad,

    Dating sites definitely work. I found my long term boyfriend through a dating site, and so have many other people I know.

    One of my friends, who initially looked down on Internet dating a bit, now is married to someone she met online. ☺

    I think people make internet dating into such a “THING” …… with debates on if it works or not. It’s like it is some sort of new diet or something, which everyone has an opinion on, whether they’ve stuck to it, or even tried it or not, which I really think is the wrong approach.

    Seriously how well does “normal” dating actually work. Do we ever debate about that in the same way?

    And what is “normal” dating? Dating someone you’ve met in a bar or a club?

    If you really think about the people you’ve dated, who you’ve met in a bar/club or anywhere else for that matter, how well did that work?

    Probably if you are like 90% of the population the success rate with “normal” (let’s call it: off-line) dating, is quite low as well.

    I mean, we all know that it takes a lot (on so many levels mental, physical, spiritual (possibly), social …) for two people to feel they have a real long term connection, that it is but normal that the odds with Internet AS WELL AS off-line dating, are in essence against us.

    I personally believe Internet dating actually has many advantageous over off-line dating.

    So many things are left un-discussed, un-told and hidden in the beginning, when you meet someone in a bar (or in other situations).

    Of course, the mystery is part of the fun at the start of a relationship, but certain things can make that a connection is “doomed” from the get go, before you even get started.

    You know: those particular things that are extremely inherently important to you, and you just can’t have any other way, like maybe: their views on marriage, or if they want more kids or not, on meeting a new partner who has kids already, or maybe importance of religion in someone’s life (to name but a few).

    These could actually all be serious “deal-breakers” which often are NOT subjects you would discuss when you meet someone at first on a night out, but which you can easily filter out when looking through profiles of potential mates online.

    The first thing that often happens when you meet someone you like face to face obviously is physical attraction, as you haven’t spoken to each other much yet.

    Unconsciously from that point onwards for the next couple of weeks, some degree of lust/crush will stand in the way of the two of you really getting to know each other.

    I am not saying that you will only get busy, and not talk, or do other things, and get to know each other at all, but I believe your perception of the other person, and your judgement are likely to be a bit coloured and biased once physical attraction comes into play.

    Looking at it pragmatically, if you are searching for a serious long term relationship, offline dating could possibly really be quite a time-waster, and could lead to disappointments just as well as (or maybe even more likely than) Internet dating.

    With Internet dating, you find out the essentials before you get physically attracted or emotionally involved. So when you then meet, you either also are physically attracted to each other and can move forward full throttle, or you are not physically attracted and can stay friends, or each go your separate ways with no hard feelings, or emotional pain and with only a minimum of time “wasted”.

    It is the perfect way to find a mate in this hectic, busy, multi-tasking, spoilt for choice, modern society in my opinion.

    I mean seriously, who has time to hang out in bars every weekend, and it is not easy to just walk up to someone in a supermarket and ask them out for a coffee. You may scare them, you never know. ☺

    If I will be looking for love again any time in the future, the Internet dating sites will be the FIRST place I personally would go.

    Needless to say .. I think you did the right thing by putting yourself out there.

    Going back to your situation, I was thinking: maybe you could also pro-actively contact women whose profiles interest you vs only waiting for them to contact you. Even online for women it can still feel uncomfortable or unnatural to approach a man first. I think many are very possibly waiting for you to contact them (while you are waiting for them to contact you).

    By the way: I personally used Match.com. I think it is one of the biggest dating sites out there. I’ve also heard of E-Harmony (don’t know their exact web address). They are good as well, it seems, but I have not used that site yet myself.

    Feel free to contact me if you’d maybe want me (as a woman) to have a look at what you’ve put up on the dating site, and give you an objective opinion as to the impression your profile makes on me (and possibly other women).

    No pressure of course!
    I could totally understand if you don’t feel comfortable with that. Just putting it out there .. in case it’s something you feel that could help you.

    Love your blog, and wish you all the best and a bit of luck (which we all need in life). ☺

    B

     

  6.  
    adult social networking commented at 9:01 am on January 25th, 2011

    Our society is on a doomed path. With everything happening online nowadays, people are going out less and less. Eventually we’ll all live in virtual worlds “social networking” with fictional people.

     


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